i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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