think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
