I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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