That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
