So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
