Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize