he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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