I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
