How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had sex on a roof
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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