So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
