whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
