I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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