I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
