also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
