brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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