Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
