how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
