They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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