He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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