go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
