i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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