I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
