you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
