I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My bed smells like the plague
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
