My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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