You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
