forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
