What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
