We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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