But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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