We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he thought i was a dude.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
