I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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