One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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