Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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