I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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