I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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