You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
