New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
