and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
