i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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