ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
