Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
