DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize