I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I deserve this hangover.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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