I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just had sex on a roof
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
