so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
