Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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