and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We left the knife in your bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
