Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
