I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize