Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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