I think my fart just growled at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
