I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
