My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All the doctor said was why
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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