He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
