me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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