Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
