absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I could fuck to npr.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
