I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
