capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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