She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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