I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
