There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.