allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.