So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
