Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack