I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
